Handlebars

I'm not posting a photograph of my current facial hair, nor will it probably survive the cull imposed by Sam before her company's New Year party, but so far at work it has been compared to:

• Ringo Starr circa 1969
  
• Generic Seventies
  
• a seventies porn star
  
• David Crosby
  
• Lynryrd Skynyrd
  
• the construction worker out of the Village People
  
• a Victorian
  
• the people from the 118 adverts
  
• a biker
  
• Derek Smalls from Spinal Tap
  
• Lemmy
  
• James Hetfield in the "Enter Sandman" video
  
• The Edge circa "Achtung Baby" and "Discotheque"
  
• Bond villain in "Diamonds are Forever" with the exploding cake (c/o Mark)
  
• Fu Manchu
  
• Frankie Poullain (the bass player from The Darkness)
  
• some bloke from the Antiques Roadshow
  
• a Mexican (bandit/gringo)
  
• David Boon
  
• Merv Hughes
  
• Craig Stadler
  
• Kim Newman - movie critic from Empire
  
• Dirty Sanchez (c/o Dan)
  
• ex SAS person "Mac" who is apparantly on TV news a lot
  
• Emil Zapata (c/o Marlene)
  
• a walrus
  
• Marshal Strickland from "Back To The Future Part III", i.e., the (?) grandfather of the headmaster in Back to the Future Parts I and II
  
• Yosemite Sam
  

Everyone not at work with me will probably not see this at all - I leave things to your imagination.

This is what I'm aiming for.

Or possibly this. Or this, which is unsurprisingly German.