Australian washbags

Gratuitously stolen from the above link, but worth it…


If this diary has any claim to fame it is for the quality of its anecdotes. This week I hear one that is irresistible. You will remember that Dean Jones, the Australian batsman, finds fame with a double century that almost wins the tied Test in Madras. Well, this is the background. Overnight Jones is 60 not out, pumped up with not only his own expectation but the hopes and ambitions of his captain Allan Border, the next man in. Jones cannot sleep. He plays every shot in his mind's eye, he gets out, he reaches his first Test century to the rapturous applause of the crowd; and then at 5 a.m. he eventually goes to sleep. Two hours later he awakes feeling, as you do in these circumstances, absolutely wretched. He goes down to breakfast full of irritation and snaps at the waiter who asks what he would like. "Eggs `n' coffee." No please, no thank you; Dean Jones is too annoyed. Along comes the glass full of coffee. The waiter produces an egg, breaks it on the edge of the glass and pours the raw contents into the glass. I draw a veil over the next few minutes in case some of my readers are of a delicate nature. Anyway, Dean goes back to his room, cleans his teeth, picks up his gear, and heads for the team bus. He is late and gets a volley of abuse from Border. As he listens, apologetically, Jones realises that he has left his wallet on the bedside table and rushes off the bus back to his room. The door is open, good that saves a few seconds, where's the wallet; oh, it's over there and it seems to be all right, but hey where is the maid? Then he spots that the bathroom door is open and sees that the maid is using his toothbrush to clean her teeth. Once again I draw a veil over what was said. Then Jones goes back to the team bus and says: "Listen, fellas, do you know what I found? The maid was using my toothbrush to clean her teeth!" At that point, all talk of the match is forgotten, as every player leaves the bus and goes to pick up his washbag. "Just you take note," says Jones, "if you see an Aussie player in the sub-continent, he will always have his washbag under his arm."